Today I Told You About My Anxiety

About My Anxiety

Today I told you about my anxiety and a weight was lifted.

I don’t know what I expected, you’ve known me since I was 14 years old. Through thick and thin you have always been there, even when we weren’t actually together your love for me crossed all relationship labels. It’s not like I thought you were going to run away. It’s not even the first time I’ve come to you needing a cuddle, a cry and a verbal outpouring of all the shit that is on my mind. You never even batted an eyelid when things became so mentally difficult for me I needed outside help. So why did it feel so freaking good to tell you that I was feeling anxious?

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Super Cheap Low Carb Vegetable Stir-Fry

Low Carb Vegetable Stir-Fry

I just want to put it out there. I am definitely not a chef. My skills are basic at best, my budget is tighter than those pre-pregnancy jeans I am still forcing on and I’ve never really understood food. This new little segment is not for the culinary genius, no. This is for the students, the family on a budget and those who have no clue how to cook. If you’re looking for extravagant meals, you will not find them here.

Stir-Fry is one of my all time favourite meals. It’s a pretty lazy meal and already made quite cheap by supermarkets who constantly have a 3 for 2 offer on everything you’d need to make it. That being said, in my need to spare the pennies, I was so pleased when I stumbled across a bag of Stir-Fry frozen veg in Tesco. One of my favourite meals made easy easier and even cheaper to prepare is a bonus. 

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How to Prepare for a Maternity Photoshoot

Prepare for Pregnancy Maternity Photoshoot

If you’ve never had one before, preparing for a maternity photoshoot can feel really overwhelming. My mum never had one for me and my sister and I don’t have many friends that are/ have been pregnant and have had maternity photoshoot so I really have nothing to go off. Thankfully at times like this, when I have absolutely no clue, I can always turn to Pinterest and here’s what I found.

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Natural Anxiety Relief – The Fay Farm’s Serenity Lotion Review

The Fay Farm’s Serenity Lotion Review
I have been given this product as part of a product review through the Chronic Illness Bloggers network. Although the product was a gift, all opinions in this review remain my own and I was in no way influenced by the company.

There’s a few products I’ve come to love during my pregnancy and hope to soon write a whole post about them but there is one that stands out above the rest which I want to share with you today. I’ve been using The Fay Farm’s Serenity Lotion for a while now it has helped beyond belief with the stress and anxiety I have felt throughout my pregnancy.

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IIH, Pregnancy and Doctors – What You Should Expect

IIH, Pregnancy and Doctors

When I first found out I was pregnant I had so many plans for posts I wanted to write, all the wisdom I wanted to share along my journey to motherhood which never really happened. I knew it would go fast but wow, I’m week 28 and I barely feel like I had time to adjust being pregnant never mind welcoming out little one into the world. That being said I wanted to share some of my experiences  I’ve had with my IIH, pregnancy and doctors.

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10 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Undiagnosed Self

10 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Undiagnosed Self

With the wheels festival having just been in town, I find myself marking 2 years that I’ve been ill. (before my diagnosis) It’s been an incredible journey so far and I don’t doubt that I still have more challenges to face. When I was first given my diagnosis, all I could think was “why me?” After everything life had thrown at me (see From the girl who was blamed for your suicide) I honestly couldn’t believe I’d have the strength to make it through another life lesson.

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Chronic Pain and Pregnancy: N:REM Sleep System Review

Chronic Pain and Pregnancy: N:REM Sleep System Review
I have been given this product as part of a product review through the Chronic Illness Bloggers network. Although the product was a gift, all opinions in this review remain my own and I was in no way influenced by the company.


“Lack of sleep or inability to obtain sufficient sleep due to physical suffering or distress, especially when chronic.”

If you suffer from chronic pain of any kind, physically or mentally, you’ll know that THIS…is a thing.

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From The Girl Who Was Blamed for Your Suicide

From the girl who was blamed for your suicide

Warning: This is a long post

Dear Craig,

I can’t pretend to know what was going on in your head, I know you were having a tough time and you wanted to get back together but I wasn’t ready for that. After we’d met and agreed to be just friends I think you’d agree that everything went from pretty rubbish to worse and every other phone call I was getting was from one of your family members having a go at me something. Soon I decided to ignore all phone calls, I’d stayed with a friend and tried to go on living my life and hoped you would do the same, you were young and good looking and had the cheekiest smile that’s been forever etched into to my brain. There is also one phone call I have always wondered about, one phone call around when you died that I’d wondered if it was you. Were you trying to reach out to me? Could I have saved you?

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Forever Living – Samples Review

Mother's (3)

Now it’s not like me to do to product reviews but when blogger/ business owner/ working mummy and current partner in crime Cydney of The Good Life passed me this adorable looking basket of Forever Living products to try out I knew a review would too perfect.I hadn’t heard much of  Forever Living before I met Cydney, for a while the C9 cleanse has been popular and while I WOULD love to try and get more Aleo into my life I really don’t have that kind of money to spend on a cleanse I likely won’t stick to. It was perfect when Cydney started introducing me to more of their products that I have no idea excited and so I want to share just a couple of my new found favourites with you too.

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7 Tips for keeping your spoonie brain active on rest days

7 Tips for keeping your spoonie mind active on rest days - header

Living life with a chronic condition often means being forced to have rest days, even a pro’s at spoon management have random pain days that will only worsen if you push through. I’m the worst at pushing myself too far, trying to get as much done as I can and finding that I’ve ended up using spoons (energy) I didn’t have, from a day that hasn’t even started yet. This usually leads to being in agony the next day, starting the day with no energy. It’s times like this it’s good to know the best/ most relaxing ways of keeping your spoonie brain active.

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My Top 5 (Spoonie Friendly) Baby Wishlist Items

My Top 5 (Spoonie Friendly) Baby Wishlist Items Header

Since becoming ill my life has revolved around finding ways of making my daily life easier to manage. Things like buying a dishwasher (which I can’t use yet as it doesn’t actually fit in my kitchen) to having my mum help me cook when I just don’t have to spoons to care for myself as well as I should. Having a baby is going to bring on a whole new set of challenges (as it does for any mummy to be) but I have continued to be mindful of being things that will continue to make my life as easy as possible so that I can focus as many spoons I have on bring up baby Logan.

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Dear Ignorant Bus Drivers

Ignorant Bus Drivers Header

Dear Ignorant bus drivers,

I suppose I can’t blame you for your ignorance, I know you job must be frustrating, I can tell what kind of mood you’re in when I step on the bus by the way you’re acting towards me. Sometimes you’ll smile cheerfully but most of the time you look at expectantly just waiting for me to produce my money or bus ticket but you see 100’s of people each day which can’t be much fun. So you look at me as just another young traveler…but I’m far from it.

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A New Spoonie Mummy and Her 1st Bump

Dear Spoonie Mummy -The best thing you can do for a child despite your pain and the limited ability to do some things is to LOVE them.- (1)


The truth is I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this post for a good 13 weeks or so, the news is so surreal and to finally be able to write about it feels odd. As soon as I found out I knew I wanted to share this part of my life with you. My life has certainly been a series of challenges, even before I became ill I had situations thrown at that most people might never have to face in a lifetime. Now I am preparing for a whole new challenge, motherhood.

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Rare Disease Day 2016

rare disease day 2016 header

Rare Disease Day LogoTomorrow is Rare Disease Day

February 29th

Occurring on the last day of February of every year, Rare Disease Day aims to increase the voice rarely heard by those who are suffering from a rare diseases and conditions. Events are held worldwide to raise awareness across the globe, not only to the general public to the policy makers, public authorities, industry representatives, researchers and health professionals.

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Guest Post: I’m 27 and still live with my parents, so what

live with my parents

This is a guest post by the beautiful Elle May Robson

(Find links to her blog and social media at the bottom of the post, if you enjoy her writing please go and show her some love) 

I’m 27 and still live with my parents, so what

Over the years I’ve had people make snide remarks about me still living with my parents, they’ve called me lazy and a loner, they’ve said that I should grow up and move out. The problem I face is living alone and fainting,

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Dear Chronic Condition, Thank you.

Dear Chronic Condition (2)


I realise this title seems completely backwards. Until lately, I’ve spent nearly every day of my life since being diagnosed cursing my chronic condition.  Cursing the pain my IIH (Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension) gave me. Wondering why me? and wishing it selfishly could have happened to someone else. Until recently…

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How Periscope is Improving my Quality Of Life

How Periscope is Improving my Quality of Life

Living life with a Chronic condition is hard, your quality of life is decreased dramatically by the amount of pain you suffer every day. While you try your best to continue living your “normal” life eventually (depending on your prognosis) you have to come to, and allow yourself to be at peace with the fact that you life is different now and there is very little you can do about it.

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Inspiration in Pain

Inspiration in Pain Header Image

I’m sorry the blog’s been a little quiet, yet again my health took precedence but out of it came the most amazing inspiration. I was unlucky enough to get a pretty nasty infection on top of my IIH and the contraceptive implant removal. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself indeed when the doctor sent me off to the surgical ward at my local hospital wondering how on earth I’d managed to put up with quite so much pain for so long.

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My IIH Diagnosis Story Part 2



(Warning: Again Another Long Post)

We had a little wait at mums, she made me somthing to eat and a cup of tea as I began to calm down. My step dad, calm as ever asked me questions. He had, had a brain hemorrhage when before we knew him. He had a soft patch on his head where they had to remove a piece of his skull to release the pressure on his brain, it was almost poetic that now I could potentially be going through the same thing although no one wanted to discuss it. At the time I was more concerned about about my eye’s, the drop were beginning to wear off now although my pupils still looked huge. Soon it was time to leave, mum drove me to the hospital. The journey was quiet I’m not sure either us knew what to say, both of us fearful of what was going on but being strong for each other.

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My Experience Distress Intolerance

distress intolerance

This is a difficult subject for me to write, but I want to write about it in the hopes that it will help someone else. Distress Intolerance has been a massive part of my life and while it helped me through some very difficult situations throughout my life it has also caused me a lot of problems.

What Is Distress Intolerance?

As humans, we all experience emotions. They are an essential part of human survival, from a young age fear tells us when things are dangerous, while anger is our natural sense of when something is wrong.

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#SpoonieSpeak (1)

For years Twitter baffled me, i’ve been signed up since 2012 and pretty much all I could figure out was that Twitter was for making failed attempts at contacting your favourite celebrities who would basically never reply. With the start of my new blog, i’ve been making and increased attempt  bettering my social media skills.And boy…and boy am I glad I did!

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The 5 Stages of Grief for Chronic Illness

5 Stages of Grief for Chronic illness title image

No one ever plans get diagnosed with a lifelong incurable chronic condition at the age of 21. No.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Quote- Pinterest

My plan was to grow up, go to school, college and uni. Get a career doing something in IT – I hadn’t had time to narrowed down specifics yet – and get a career until I had enough knowledge perhaps start my own business in the IT Industry where I could be a boss that didn’t need to be in the office 24/7 and still raise a beautiful little family and a beautiful home where money wasn’t an issue and we’d have enough spare bedrooms for everyone to have their own room when family came to stay over christmas and a big field out back so the big kids of the family could show the young ones how real tree houses were built and the old ones could sit in front of a log wood fireplace under blankets and watch tv.

A fault in that plan, made me feel like a failure, some days it still does. So triggered the anxiety

I have talked a bit about my troubles with anxiety before, but this time I wanted to talk about how anxiety fits into the mourning process. In a little over a year I am completely different person because of my condition, there are part of my life that I have had to say goodbye to (even if it is only temporarily) that I wouldn’t have had to, it didn’t have my condition.

The 5 Stages of Grief for Chronic Illness or Pain
(From my point of view)


(A little over a year ago) 1 LP down and I feel great! At least I finally know that’s wrong with me. That good looking neuro says 3 LP max and i’ll have my life back, so realistically I’m okay. I don’t really see the point of taking these meds, because I feel fine. I just need to work, i only just got this job and it’s important to me. I’ll deal with my the pain if it starts again, for now i’m fine.


Why can i never get into see my neuro when I need to?! And why does he never call me back? These meds don’t actually do anything! I’m sick of not getting any answers from anyone. The doctors are supposed to have the fucking answers but they don’t and sick and tic of tired of being left in the dark in pain. They’re so busy seeing everyone else they don’t have time for me.


I don’t understand where my life is going…I’ve wasted over a year of my life now being ill. What the hell am going to? I’m going to be like this for ever and i’m going to poor and my children, if i can even have children are going to be poor and i’m just useless. I’m so scared for my future, i don’t see how it’s gonna get better?


I’m failing because I can’t work. I’m failing because I can’t protect my family, i’m barely strong enough to look after myself let alone anyone else. My family are getting stick and my sister is having to be the strong one…it’s my job to be strong and look after everyone because that’s what i’ve always done but I can’t. I don’t understand my purpose if im not able to do what i’ve always done. (honestly tearing up while typing, my anxiety for these parts of my life is this a big thing for me)


There is so little of my life I can control right now. I understand I still have some thing I need to work on, and I remain hopeful that we find something that helps me feel better, but for now I have to remember I am doing the very best I can and not beat myself for the things that I am unable to do. I know that I love helping others and I enjoy my passion for IT so why not try putting them together.

This most important thing to remember here is that these, don’t have be one after another. One can’t be anyone and any time depending one where you are in your diagnosis and if any other additional problem arise. Also, that these can change daily or even hourly depending how you feel. Just because you have reached acceptance it doesn’t mean “boom” your done *throws confetti” congratulations. Chronic illnesses are hard and relentless and draining, don’t beat yourself for being angry or having some anxiety because the shit you deal with…it sucks!

MrsJeeby (2)

spoon count:3 Hat Spoons

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My IIH Life – Spoons vs. No Spoons

Strawberryforever (2)

Background Music Inspiration: Stressed Out – Twenty One Pilots

I have said from the start I didn’t want to do “dear diary” posts. I pussose in a way, either way I am writing about my life and so I can’t avoid that to an extent but I do try and leave out certain characteristics that would make this blog feel more like a diary until this post. This post has been sat in my drafts for a little while. I knew the concept but I wasn’t sure how to write it until today, you will see why dates are necessary as you read on.

25th October

(Aprox. 2 Weeks after LP9)


Today mum woke me up. It’s quite late in the day already, me and MrJeeby stayed up late watching films last night. Ready for the day I showered, I washed, toned and moisturised my face and even managed to put on make-up before finding something nice to wear and heading out to lunch with my family. It felt so great, to actually have enough spoons to do it all, to enjoy the day and feel like a semi-normal human being. It’s been about 2 weeks post 9th LP, and honestly I am just glad this one had any kind of effect. I had forgotten what it felt like to feel human, i’d lost my fight be my “old self” because until today I couldn’t remember how it felt to be my old self again. After lunch me and shane jumped on the bus to go get some fish food from one my favourite shops before heading home again.


(Exactly 1 Month after LP9)

After struggling to sleep for a while I finally dropped off around 1am.

MrJeeby “Goodmorning Baby it’s 10o’clock”

Thankfully unlike my recent pattern I was able to sleep in a bit more this morning, I wake up
groggy, my eyes are open but my brain isn’t really awake and my body is just dead. I feel so
lifeless and stiff. I have exactly no energy as the feeling of a morning pee sets in and hurts my bladder, I’m usually able allow myself some time to wake up before I actually need to get up, I’ll check facebook and instagram. Then see how the site statistic look for the previous day, go and read a previous post to see if i can pick up any of my own spelling mistakes and then maybe get up slowly get up make my way to loo. This morning how ever…well my phone was dead and my bladder was going to pop but I was to exhausted to move. I’d just about managed a sit…

Me “I need to pee.”
MrJeeby “go then.”
Me “My body is body is dead…” i mumbled obviously to quietly for him to hear
MrJeeby “Your body is broken?”
MrJeeby “yeh.”
MrJeeby “Aww my poor old robot” he laughed as he rubbed my back. I flopped back down as if sitting up was hard enough. Then he moved so that he could help me off the bed, I still had no energy to move but summoned enough to prop myself  up while grabbed my legs and pulled my to the edge of the bed. He gave me a cuddle while I stood then to give my legs a chance to wake up and walked with me slowly to the loo where I slumped down the toilet in the hopes to wake up enough to get myself up when I was done.

It was embarrassing even in front of him, this man I’d know for 9 years, to be in this state, to be this tired and to not even be able to take myself to the toilet. He didn’t mind looking after me, in fact I know that he loved it, he loves feeling needed and he is needed but I wanted to be that strong women again who has all her shit together (no pun intended) after that I manage to get up and make it as far as the computer to sit down and write. We have some tidying up to do today but I have next to no spoons today, If what i use in energy that I don’t really have will just make me feel worse.

Having a bad morning? Place your hand on your heart. Feel that? That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. Don't give up.

If I waited an additional month, I know already that how this post would end. I would be crying most evening, in agony and umming and arring about whether to go to the hospital for LP number 10. Spending most days in bed with completely no spoons at all. I’m stopping here because that once I reach i that point my brain is to foggy to to allow me write. I hope this is insightful, i know it even to me. So times it is easy for me to forget how much this condition changes my life from week to week because I am so used to living with the pain and fog that i forget what it is like to be able to think clearly. For now, please enjoy the little things you have because some us don’t have the spoons and desperately trying to find the good things in our days also don’t forget to grab yourself a decaf coffee, slide into something comfy and take each day as it comes.

 MrsJeeby (2)

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Spoon count: 3 Sleepy Spoons

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There is NO such thing as an “Invisible Illness”


Honestly, this phrase. Bugs the crap out of me. It is a very talked about subject making 988,287 impressions across instagram and twitter in the past week alone, has become quite a controversial subject in the news in more recent years since more and more celebrities have begun to talk about mental health being a issue in their lives. Just let me explain why it pisses me off before you judge…

No illness is completely “invisible”

Speaking from the point of view of someone who has an “invisible illness” I can understand the point of view of both sides, i understand why some days my condition can seem invisible to some. I put a smile on my face, i make a half arsed attempt at some makeup and dye my hair a funky colour and well hell if you pass in the street with that decaf coffee in hand (i miss caffeine *sad face*) on a good sunny day i will probably look like a normal person. but if you ask me how I really am, and remind me to cut the strong girl bullshit…i’ll tell you

Well my head feels like it going to explode (as I choke back tears a little) and i stretch out my neck and shoulders which has become a kind of tick every time I think about the pain im in. I’d tell you how much my left side sucks and request that you just cut my left arm off since i’m so sick of the pain I can constantly feel in it. Moan about the back pain I have now from all the LP’s i have had. If i was being truly honest i’d ask if we could talk somewhere quiet since I get a lot more anxiety when I am in pain and I’m around people, i’m constantly worrying that someone is going to walk into more or somthing is going to happen that is going to cause more pain that I am honestly not sure I can handle. Other than that my hearing isn’t what it used to be, the constant pressure in my head has caused my already terrible hearing to be damaged on my left side. So it’s difficult for me to hear you over people around us and the loud music they usually play in shops, when we get there can you please sit to my right side so that i don’t have to struggle so much to hear what your saying.

Spend enough time with anyone that has any of these so called “invisible illnesses” and you will begin to notice things that stand out from your perception of a “normal” healthy person. If you don’t see the difference, there’s a couple of reasons why; you are so used to seeing poorly people in your life desperately trying to hide their pain from you, that it’s just become normal now. If that’s the case, im sorry for all the people in your life having to put up with crap. Or your choosing not see, you don’t want to believe the people can suffer in
this way. If that’s the case…WAKE THE FUCK UP! because there are people everywhere suffering needlessly, reasons that as a society we are smart enough fix but instead like you…just pretend isn’t there?!? That moves me nicely on to the next part.


It allows people the ability to ignore the problem.

One of the definitions of invisible is; treated as if unable to be seen; ignored or not taken into consideration. And this is what bugs the most about the term itself and the problem we have in society today, it makes me wish that this phrase “invisible illness” didn’t exist. Just because a poor mental health is unable to be seen it shouldn’t be treated as such, it HATE that these two go hand in hand, because it just give people an excuse to ignore all of these invisible illnesses that need so much attention!

So I come to a finish on this post but I begin my path, my work to become more visible. The more visible me and my condition become the less we can be ignored, I hope that some of the friends that I have made of the past few weeks can understand my views on this, because this might just be a new step in forward in my journey. For now my fellow readers you all have my love, don’t forget to grab yourself a decaf coffee, slide into something comfy and take each day as it comes.

MrsJeeby (2)

Spoon count:2 Spoons in winter hats

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My IIH Diagnosis Story Part 1


[Warning: Long Post! If you’re not interested/ already know you can skip this post and i’ll have another one soon.]

I suppose it’s time to take a little of my own advice. Winter blues has hit me hard the past few days. I didn’t really pick up on it until today. I’ve been sleeping reasonably well but feeling completely exhausted all day – my condition feeds of my exhaustion – so just makes things a little harder. I’ve the past few days just staring at my website trying to get something done and then feeling miserable when MrJeeby comes home and I’ve spent another day in my dressing gown. On the upside for such occasions like these, my full of excitement and energy self, typed up and couple of posts ahead of time. THANK YOU ME! 

So without further ado…My plan in this post is to give you my IIH diagnosis story the least amount of babble as possible, this is still quite a raw event for me, it’s been a little over year but still every time i talk about being poorly I cry so excuse me if it’s a little messy to read.

If i think back now that I have been diagnosed and that understand this condition, i can pinpoint times growing up that i have probably had flares of this condition for most of my life. I always suffered from particularly unmanageable “migraines” around stressful events in my life, mainly around exam time. Having to quit boxing at around 16 because I was diagnosed with “blood pressure induced migraines” and sore specialist who had no other answers so could only really guess at migraines. Each time one of those flares causing my to become slightly more impaired but not in a way any optician would be able to see so I just brushed it off and finally forever having a problem with my short term memory, and thinking that was normal. Now, this could be chocked down to a number of different reasons so let’s just say for now that in late July of 2014 I got a head. Which never really ended.

GP VISIT 1 – I can’t really remember it starting to well, I remember saying to Mr Jeeby several times how different it felt. How i usually felt better after a sleep but whenever I slept this time I felt worse now and this headache also made me feel crappy in the evening but I felt kind of normal in the day. It felt strange. I left it a few days to see if it would wear off, My family are good at working through pain and don’t do sympathy so knowing I had to focus on my uni revision I just got on with it until it just didn’t seem to shift and continued to get worse. Eventually, I headed up to doctors who told me it was most likely a tension headache, the best i could do was take paracetamol and it will ease in it own time, probably when the stress is gone. It made sense, so I went with it.

GP VISIT 2 – Sure enough my exams and my presentation ended, i soldiered through the best I could and came out with what I wanted but still had a headache that had gradually gotten worse, along with a now stiff neck and sore shoulders to match. So I made a return visit to my GP who told me it just a bad tension headache that had now cause my neck and shoulder to stiffen, he sent me away with some stronger pain relief.

OUT OF HOURS GP VISIT 3 – I took the pain medication for about week which did nothing, by the Sunday I was in agony along with the other symptoms I was getting pains in arms but only during the evening, it unbearable. I spent most evening in tears. I had spent the entire week doing nothing on the sofa being unable to move and still all i wanted to do was cry partly in pain and partly out of frustration. Everyone was telling me that all i needed to do was relaxing and ALL I was doing was RELAXING!. I am pretty sure by this point my family thought I was making it up. How could I have been done nothing (but work my 4 hours a week cleaning job) and yet been in agony for 3 weeks straight, I had no answers. No one had any answers I was just being told the same thing.

Since the pain was worse at night and I was barely able to do anything during the day I was barely sleeping at night. I was keeping Mr Jeeby awake who still had to work and trying his best to care for me but didn’t know how. I was having to moving around my hours at work because getting in the morning was becoming more and more difficult, a week later and the pain medication the GP gave me was doing nothing.

GP VISIT 3/ MASSEUSE VISIT 1 –  Back to GP, who was USELESS! By this point, I can’t move my neck. Like when you get a crick in your neck and can’t move it past a certain point. My neck felt like this constantly. I was so mad at my GP by this point told me to try getting a massage… (losing all hope I did)

I’ve never had a massage done by a professional before, this was my first time. I didn’t know what to expect. I found a lady who was on the way to work who would a massage for £20, it needed to be cheap since me and Mr Jeeby were broke at this point. She seemed nice enough, she was a little rough but got all the area’s I needed her to. Right after I felt amazing and went straight to work, it was the most relaxed I’d felt since the headache had started and I got a good job done at fi’s that day. I knew it was probably temporary but even £20 wouldn’t be that bad to help me get by….How wrong I was. The next day I COULDN’T BEAR TO BE TOUCHED I felt like id been beaten half to death at a bar the night before. I’d felt worse, honestly just wanted to give up then. She was so rough that I was bruised, i could barely move now.

OPTICIANS VISIT –  After a few days of feeling hopeless I’d finally noticed how bad my eyesight had gradually gotten the whole time, I felt kind of dumb for not noticing before now. I felt so cloudy from the pain now I couldn’t really think but in a moment of clarity, I remember I had a £10 opticians voucher and wondered if my now very poor eyesight had anything to do with my headache so I set an appoint and off I went. The optician was lovely, I explained to him how I had been feeling, he seemed concerned but very professional the whole time. He dilated my eyes and boasted about how I had it done when I was young and how strong they were so it would bother me, then felt stupid when I nearly walked into the counter walking back though. He continued through the process without giving anything away. Only now i think back I understand how at hiding his concern for my wellbeing that day and I’m thankful for what a good job he did. At the end, he wandered out of the room and then wandered back in with a friendly smile on his face and calmly told me that I would need to go the hospital that day. He was very calm, knowing now what he though I’m not sure how he managed to keep a smile on his face a smile the whole way through.

We Thought You Had A Tumor

I, on the other hand, wanted to cry. Partly out of fear and partly out relief that there was a reason for my pain. Mostly, in that moment, more out of fear. I am good at reading people, I am able to read people very easily and happy as this guy was pretending to be I could read the underlying fear he had for me. I think I tried to ask questions to distract myself slightly but I’m not sure now what they were. As much as i wanted to in that moment I didn’t cry, I held back every tear. He told me that I could go to the hospital until 2pm because they needed the drops to wear off before I got there so at least I had time to go home and chill before I needed to go. (thank god) ….I’m not sure i really remember getting home then. I know i walked because I wouldn’t have had any other option to, Mr Jeeby was at work so I was on my own. I walked home kind of numb, every possible thought was rushing through my brain then. This was probably the scariest part of my life so far…I made it home numb, and since my eyes were still dilated i couldn’t see my phone. I knew Mr Jeeby was at work so I need to ring my mum to tell her that i need to go to the hospital but I couldn’t read the text on my phone to find her number. Panic set in then, I was alone…basically blind and in hysterics and unable to call for help. I cried then, through fear and panic I didn’t know what to do. I scrambled for my laptop to see i could facebook my mum, knowing the key combination to make the screen go really big to see if i could make it big enough to see but it didn’t work, i still couldn’t see a thing, i was about to give up..just sit there and cry when I remembered…

Out of luck Mr Jeeby was most recent contact, by pressing green and green again it rang I was so glad he picked up quickly, I just tried to breath and hold back tears, it was the only way to explain I needed him to get mum to ring, he must have heard the panic and tears because he hung up quickly and mum rang straight back sounding hurried herself. I just cried then, i couldn’t really hold back, feeling so completely like a little lost lamb I needed my mum then more than ever. She came to my rescue packing me a bag and took me back to hers.

This is getting pretty long so I’m going to do this in two parts…GO AHEAD AND READ PART 2

MrsJeeby (2)

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Winter Is Coming and so is the SAD

Winter Is Coming Header

Today I wanted to talk about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or Winter Blues as I have always known it.

While some people can’t wait to be sipping on their pumpkin spice latte’s with their loves ones while they watch the rainfall through the window from their favourite Starbucks (or costa), or those already counting downing to Christmas in September! Because Christmas is just THAT exciting…There are those us dreading this time of year not sure what to do with ourselves. We are unable to escape that feeling of sadness and despair that is sure to come rolling through with the coming of the dark gloom of the grey clouds. Unable to find the pleasure or interest in activities we usually enjoy doing day-to-day and find yourself getting more easily irritable or more easily upset by things.

The symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder are much like the symptoms of Depressions the only difference being that they occur repetitively at a particular time of year. Usually in autumn or sometimes winter depending on how the weather has been. The nature and severity of SAD will vary from person to person. Some people may not notice that much, some may just find it a bit annoying and blame it on needed a good holiday abroad (if you work long hours through the summer for example) but for some it can have a significant effect on your day-to-day life. This can mean feeling more distracted than usual, being less active than usual, having a lack of energy and feeling the need to sleep longer or taking naps during the day and finally having an increased appetite (some people have a craving for food containing a lot of carbs leading them gain weight)

It is only over the past two years I have noticed how much I am affected by Seasonal Affective
and I am dreading it most this year in particular since I have already been struggling with quite a lot of depression and anxiety brought on by the restrictions my condition has put on my life. I am thankful that I know there are a few people around me who suffer too, and while I am sorry they suffer but I am comforted to know I am not the only one. That’s the part of me that wanted to write this post, for those reading, I wanted you to know you are not alone. As always in my hopes to help I looked up some tips on how to help cope with SAD, I found some reasonably unhelpful basic NHS dribble that any doctor would tell you but I am going to write them here in case it helps you, in case it’s something you didn’t think of and it actually proves to be helpful.

How to Cope with SAD

  1. Keep Active – Try taking a 1 Hour Walk in the middle of the day while it is lightest.
  2. Get Outside – Get As Much Daylight as possible, in your home chose pale colours that reflect the light from outside and site near windows as much as possible. (Basically try not to be a vampire)
  3. Keep Warm – Being Cold can make you more depressed so  do not be afraid to crank the heating up, don’t let the title one in the family tell you it’s better to save money. Your health is more important.
  4. Eat as healthy as possible – If you live alone, don’t buy anything unhealthy. If you don’t, make everyone else stash their own unhealthy food away from you. It’s for your own good.
  5. See the light – If you have the money, buy yourself a light box (This one is on offer at the moment!). I haven’t heard of this myself but would suggest maybe trying out a fake tan booth for few minutes a week. The few times I have used one I felt warmed to the core and instantly a little better, plus I was being told I looked a lot healthier with a little tan. Please be safe with these, if it’s your first time using one don’t be afraid to ask for help or suggestion on how long you should stay in during any single session.
  6. Take up a new hobby – I took up Geocaching for a little bit to help get me out of the house (post coming soon) always worth scanning Pinterest for something to take your fancy.
  7. See Family and Friends – Make the time to spend with friends and family, I know that SAD run in our family so making the effort to do more things together if going to be super helpful.
  8. Talk it through – Depending on how helpful you feel this might be, it might be worth seeking some professional help such a counseling, psychotherapy or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
  9. Join a support group – Of course, here they suggest ones you have to pay for called SADA but it’s always worth searching facebook, when I found out I had IIH i couldn’t believe how many support there were on facebook full of people who are so helpful (sometimes more helpful than the doctors and neuro’s)
  10. Finally don’t be afraid to go to your GP for help, being tough and managing on your own isn’t always the best solution.
  11. And extra because I thought it up while reading the ones they suggested, maybe try getting some brighter light bulbs, even if it just for the winter seasons and then you switch back to energy savers for the summer. I suggest getting some LED light bulbs, the ones I got were like £8 each from Tesco, so pretty pricey for a light bulb but super bright last something like 15 years (I’ll get back on that bit)

Thank you for reading, for anyone who suffers, I hope i have done you justice and included as much helpful information as possible, if you have any other helpful tips please feel free to comment! For those who don’t suffer, I hope you learned something new today and if you see someone looking particularly gloomy this winter then maybe have a chat. Take our minds of how cold dark days and turn our hearts to how warm the world can be. Otherwise, all I have to say is please grab yourself a decaf coffee, slide into something comfy and warm this winter and take each day as it comes <3

MrsJeeby (2)

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Counting on my Spoonies

Forevery Young, popping pills and counting spoons

Background Music InspirationMedicine (ft. chelsea cutler) – Kidswaste

Hello!! *Wave* and welcome a brand new day and another new chance to make yourself feel a little less like poop, if you have the spoons available. Today I want to talk about the spoons and my fellow spoonies, if you have had the chance to hit up my home page then chances are you have seen and read a little bit about the spoons that we (as spoonies) have come to rely on to get us through the day and since they will be quite a regular occurrence around this place I wanted to give some kind of explanation.

Chances are if you have heard the term “Spoonie” or spoons used for anything other than an eating utensil then either you yourself are quite a poorly person or you are very close to someone that is. If that’s the case then, I’m so proud of you being as strong as you have been. Well done you <3 and if you haven’t heard of the spoon theory before, spoons or spoonies then I have left little description down below and welcome to read The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. I hope that it might give you a new found insight into poorly people and how we attempt to manage our lives

Spoonie Meaning

And to you, I also say (Those with new knowledge), well done for making it through life <3 life sucks balls. I’m not going to compare my sickness to your life no matter how rubbish i feel because sick or not, I don’t know your story and you probably still had it tough.

Now we have an idea of what spoons mean to us poorly people, i just want to expand by saying that we don’t have a given number of spoons. We don’t have a set number every day and get to plan a daily routine around allotted number of spoons. (I WISH) Day-to-day the number of spoons we have, can change without any warning and realising that your morning routine now takes up 60% of your energy sucks, all you want to do is get out and spend time with friends and family but that damn shower just washed away any ounce of energy you had and don’t even think about blow-drying and straightening your hair because your arms…they might actually fall off before you done and you don’t want to chance going out half poodle head and half glam princess, so maybe just leave in a towel until it looks almost dry and then ease into a comfy ponytail.

It might seem silly to be counting spoons but we really do have to keep track of our energy levels. I don’t take my spoons to literally but I do suck at keeping track of how my body feels and push myself way to hard sometimes to suffer for a few days afterwards. (and then get frustrated when I have no energy to do anything for a few days) Finding balance is tough.

Thats it for today my lovelies, I hope i had some spoonies reminiscing with a giggle and have provided other with some insight into how we plan our days. Don’t get me wrong i’m sure a lot of non-spoonies worry about these little things but there are also a lot of people that take, getting up and having a shower every morning for granted.

MrsJeeby (2)

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My Brain is being Squished – Welcome To My Spoonie Life


Background Music Inspiration: Medicine by Daughter

My Favourite Song Right Now - Medicine Lyrics - IIH Blog

My spoonie life if an awkward one, between the pain I have spent weeks staring at this screen trying to build enough courage to start typing, is giving me a hard time, I’ve been to worried about trying hard to piece together perfectly formed sentences of eloquent literature that people will look upon in awe and gasp at the sheer beauty of. I’m almost sorry to disappoint both you and myself, because while my love for writing has never diminished in the 16-year battle that I call dyslexia, it has taken a bit of a beating. For that reason, If well formed, maybe even coherent sentences are what you are looking for, then stick around anyway, you might be surprised at the things you could learn from my incoherent babble.

Some days here will be hell (And we’re not talking Sam and Dean Winchester kind of hell, when you can just jump back out when you’re ready – soulless or not – (I’m a little behind shh.)) your brain will have to work hard to understand what I am saying, words will be misspelled and most probably even missing altogether but I promise the overall message will be worth the effort. Reading with me will be like many conversations with me, A brain training game, I hope you enjoy.


That being said, I promise that none of this is done on purpose, and for that reason, I am providing my dear baby sister with the login details so that she can save the small about of reputation and even smaller amount of dignity I have by filling in the blanks where possible. The problem is my brain is a little broken, or perhaps…squished is a more appropriate word. I have a condition called Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (IIH), it sucks balls and has taken quite of the things that I love. But I’m not looking for sympathy, and this blog is not planning to be another “Dear Diary, this day sucked…again…for this reason.” I give it up to people who do that, for some, it really helps to have that support system. It just don’t feel like it helps me, it’s been a tough lesson for my family and friends and even my dearest MrJeeby to learn. I don’t want a support system for me, I want to help others. It’s all I’ve ever enjoyed doing, from as young as i can remember, helping people has always soothed me. I just have to do it a little bit a time now. Now a little over a year on from my diagnosis I’m starting up my blog, I might still have days where i moan about things but mainly I want to help  in the most constructive way possible.  I’m building Mrs Jeeby’s Survival Kit in a sucky world where illness and crap is taking over, the news is full of nothing but negativity and sadness and for those of us who are unlucky enough to suffer from incurable lifelong chronic illnesses/conditions our days are filled with nothing but pains and mostly sadness. So grab a tea, or decaf coffee –because if i can’t have caffeine then you can’t either– and a comfortable chair,bean bag or bed (that my favourite) and have a go at ready what i have to say, I am sorry if some days it’s tough to read but I’ll always do my best keep this space a positive one.

MrsJeeby (2)

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Stressed about money? What I’ve Learnt from Living on a Budget

I hate money. Over the years I’ve been forced to live on both basically nothing and to be living comfortably with a little to throw around and still found myself stressed about money in both situations. Most recently we’ve been forced to live on a pretty restricted budget and I think I’ve somehow finally found my peace with it. After growing up and living a mainly low budget life, I’m glad to have learnt a few lessons along the way that mean when things tight, I can still handle my shit. Here’s what I’ve learnt so that you can handle yours should things get tight for you too.


Getting stressed about money is NOT helping

When everything feels overwhelming and out of your control it’s completely normal to get stressed out and while I know just being told not to stress isn’t ever going to fix everything, you’re certainly not just going to stop feeling stressed because you read it on here but looking out for the signs of stress can help you accept it, manage it and overcome it. We all know stressing about any given situation doesn’t actually do anything to help. This goes the same for feeling completely broke and hopeless but stressing is not going to magically make a money tree grow in the middle of your front room, nor will it suddenly made money appear in your bank account. It’s okay to be stressed but accepting that it is a stressful situation and allow your brain to move on will enable you start making a conscious effort to getting yourself out of your shitty situation.


Accept that your stress can be contagious

Learning to acknowledge and navigate your stress better will also allow you manage your relationships with those around you better. The most difficult part about being stressed is trying not to pass it on to those around you (or not knowing you are) when they are likely doing the best they can too. Many arguments between me and my partner have sprung from stress and while it initially felt like we were arguing about a completely different subject, found it actually stemmed from the fact that we were both stressed and under a lot of pressure. Next time you get pissed at them for not putting their used dinner plate in the kitchen (yes its annoying) think had about why it is pissing you off more than usual before voicing how much of a pain in the arse they are.


Stressed about money


You’re doing the best you can, and that’s the best you can do

Over the past couple of months this has become my mantra, while owing bills, family and friends I’ve felt so completely useless for not being able to do more than I have already been doing. It’s easy to beat yourself up for not doing better at times like these, you might find yourself reevaluating your life by this point. Coming up with ever “If only” you can to justify why you’re not doing better in life than you wanted to by now, the if only I didn’t buy the new top a couple of weeks ago I’d have more money now. It’s around this point I become pissed at being ILL, I start to re-question “why me” and If only I didn’t get ill. (because it caused be too loose my job and been completely out of work since) When you hit this wall remember that you’re doing the best can, and that’s the best you can do.


Stop blaming yourself for situations out of your control

While a certain ability to be organised with money will help you stay out of these situations, some people (me) suck at money and some people are awesome at money management. Regardless of this, at some point in time, even those who rock money management have likely had something financial to come back and bite them on the ass (because that’s how we learn important lessons) or have simply been forced into a situation they can do absolutely nothing about. At this point it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault and finding reasons why it is, isn’t going help. In fact, finding reasons why it is, is likely going to make it worse.  Realistically, even if it is your fault, blaming yourself, isn’t helping anything.

Do you have tips on how to stay stress-free when things feel fucked? Drop your suggestions in the comments below!


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Fake Facebook Pity Parties – Facebook Scam Targets Visibly Disabled For Likes

Fake Facebook Pity Parties - Header Image - MrsJeeby

After writing this post the page and several others were taken down. This doesn’t mean people will stop so please keep an eye out. 

I’ve been on the PC since about the age of 6 years old, I grew up using the internet as it evolved from dial-up to WIFI, (or WeeFee as my brother calls it) I’ve watched social media move from MySpace to Bebo and on to Facebook and Twitter and quickly learnt that like the world in general, the internet and social media can be a nasty place. As generations after me have begun growing up with a connection with social media that has become quite a worrying one, we no longer focus on self-care in our real offline lives and now more often than not find ways of making our imperfect lives look perfect to everyone else. Social Media has become a self-validation tool, the more like and comment we get allow us to feel better about our fake online lives and feel a little less shit about our offline ones. We have hand-held devices constantly connected to social media so that we never have to go without our lifeline of fake acceptance and validation of our existence in the world.

Fake Facebook Pity Parties - Pinterest - MrsJeeby

For the most part,, I can ignore the issue and continue with my life, I won’t pretend I don’t take 10 selfies to find that perfect one, that I don’t want to snap a picture of every meal I eat out because they ALWAYS look better than the ones I make at home. But there are some area’s of the Internet and Social media that poke the bear just a little too hard. That would be something I found out recently and the reason I started this post today. I learned recently people have stealing images of girls who have limited mobility, usually those using wheelchairs and reposting them on their own pages for the sake of like. They are using these Images to gain pity from their readers for the sake of comments and like. Today I was made aware of one account in particular that should most definitely be shut down for exactly this reason, someone has been posting images of ladies with physical disabilities with statues like;

FB Post3

Fake Facebook Pity Parties

I honestly think this is DISGUSTING, I feel for these girls who have been portrayed in such a way. They have likely been fighting for people to see them as strong independent young women despite their limited mobility for most of their “disabled” lives. My heart honestly goes out to anyone who has been attacked in this way, that these horrible people who out for likes don’t see the damage this can do to a person and a whole society of people who struggle with illness and share their bravery online because they have every right to.

I don’t often like to rally cry, I agree that everyone’s opinion is their own but this makes me so angry and sad for those who have been targeted. I ask that if you feel the please report any page you come across.


What are your thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments below.

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